Three of a Kind

I sit in my car after leaving my 3rd OBGYN appointment in as many months. I feel like shit.

            “Autumn, your insurance isn’t going to keep paying for these tests. Every month for the past 3 months you have come in asking for STD testing because you’re having unprotected sex. But. Autumn,” she had said, giving me “the look” that says exactly what she was about to, “you’re smarter than this. What’s going on with you?” my OBGYN asked.

            I told her the truth. “I don’t know.”

            “Well, I want you to take some time and think about how many partners you have and how much unprotected and even protected sex you are having. I don’t think it’s healthy for you, and not just because you could get an STD very easily after just one encounter. Are you all right?”

            I had sat there for a few moments and looked at her, tears welling up in my eyes that I was going to fight off if it was the last thing I did and shrugged.

            I shrugged.

            I heard and saw her genuine concern. I have been going to her for years now and she has always given me straight facts. She’s hard on me, but in a good way. I appreciate that she does not sugarcoat things, because so many people do and I’m tired of hearing bullshit. My OBGYN is tough, but she is caring. I like that about her too.

            “What am I doing?” I think. I don’t turn on the car and leave just yet. I need to sit here and think for a little bit.

            What am I doing?

            What I am doing.

            Is escaping.

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