What’s With All the Thoughts?!

The next day, Sheila ran the beginning group session (and then the second group session — the one which I had expressed my thoughts so angrily the day before — and soon the one where she would find out just how much an Addict can accomplish). Fucking Sheila.

The first hour of group was the check in when we had to go around and say the things we have to say. It goes like this: “My name is Autumn. I have been sober for 3 days. My drug of choice is Alcohol/Benzodiazepines (“Benzos”). I have had thoughts and urges about my drug of choice today. And today I feel — sarcastic.”

And before the session began I was talking to my friend Stash and he was saying to me, “Damn, Autumn, you really gave us a smackdown yesterday. What a mind-fuck.”

“Trust me, Stash, this is about Sheila, and she’s about to look stupid, and that is a promise.”

“Okay everyone, let’s start with Stash (but she used his real name) today.”

“My name is Stash. I have been sober for 7 days. My drug of choice is Alcohol. I have definitely had thoughts annnnnnd yeah — and urges about my drug of choice today. And today I feel — happy.”

And so it went. Around the room one by one until I was the last person was left, me, who proudly announced that I had thoughts once again.

Overnight, like magic, everyone started having thoughts and some urges about their drugs of choice. I had made a difference, and I pulled a prank doing it, so double win for me.

Sheila looked up from marking down our progress in her notebook. She looked down at it again and ran her finger over something on the page then looked up again.

I reminded myself to give myself a high five later because the next words I heard will ring like Heaven in my ears for the rest of my life.

“Guys! Why is everyone suddenly having thoughts?!”

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