I fall in slow motion.
I know I’ll be sore tomorrow, but just like a drunk driver might not get hurt in a car accident, I think my lack of sobriety keeps the fall from breaking anything.
“Ow,” is what first came to mind, and then, out loud, toward the ginger quickly approaching me with a concerned look on his face I yell, “what a dick!”
“Maybe I should stop meeting random strangers that don’t live on the first floor,” I joke to myself, knowing just how unfunny the situation has become.
I’ve officially put myself in a dangerous place, and I do not have all of my faculties to even handle the scene.
All I can think is, “get down the last flight as soon as you can right now, Autumn. Fucking do it, get up go down the stairs, open the door, please, let there be an Uber. Otherwise, after all of his hollering he was the one keeping unsuspecting me in his house just to do this and God knows what else. Only 3 more steps. Grab the handle and push, you fucking moron.”
Running down the stairs toward me, before I can escape, the ginger panics, “Oh my God, oh my God, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? That was an accident. I swear to God I didn’t mean to push you down the stairs. Is anything broken? Holy fuck, I didn’t mean to, I promise.”
Asshole.
The fact is, he definitely pushed me. He literally pushed me out the door. With a staircase on the other side. But it could have been so much worse. It is a wake-up fall. I want to be better.
In terror of what he is capable of, as he approaches me, I tell him, “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again you piece of shit. I was leaving. You didn’t need to fucking push me.”
“I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean for that to happen, are you okay?”
He keeps saying things like this as I move swiftly away from him, out the door into the cool night, and finally into the Uber that would take me home to my paradise of cats and a Mom who loves me, despite all the crazy dangerous shit I do. God, I must be stressful.
“Fuck you,” was the last thing I said to him as I entered the new Supreme Uber.
“Bad night?” the driver asked.
“You have no idea,” I answer. “I’m Autumn.”
On the ride home I make my second new best friend within 24 hours.
JustCallMeTaco 