Tag Archives: potentially triggering

Ode to “Bad Things” pt 2 (finale)

I fucking love when MGK says “keep it strange” because we definitely do that. And I do feel like we both feel like we’re fucking crazy insane sometimes because we just can’t get enough of each other like this — but I know that I feel like I’m not a “normal” person — I do feel that I’m “strange.” And I often feel like I’m insane. But I think maybe you feel the same way — so when he says “but you the same” you relate to me in my strange insanity because we follow each other — and we’ve trusted each other — with really important things and because of that it we fold into each other again. And it’s beautiful.

            So, the sex scene in his first verse is weird, because you and I don’t have the ability to do that stuff to each other yet, but for whatever reason — they way he describes him with his girl — it’s like — oh yes — I feel like that could be exactly what it’s like for us. Let’s get graphic. It’s going to be exactly what MGK says: “Drop it down to that base drum; I got what you dream about; Nails scratching’ my back tatt; Eyes closed while you scream out; And you keep me in with those hips; While my teeth sink in those lips; While your body’s giving me life; and you suffocate in my kiss.” Oh, baby: “If you only knew the bad things I like,” could not be a more appropriate description for my bedroom behavior. I can’t imagine having sex with you as being anything other than incredibly fucking passionate as fuck. I know we’re going to drown in each other. That’s kind of the best way I can describe it.

            MGK’s second verse’s sex scene sounds hot and I think we should do it. I’ll put on heels and nothing else if that is what you want baby. Anything for you, Daddy.

            I am you’re pretty naughty good little vixen. And you are the voice in my head that keeps telling me to do the things that I do and I keep wanting to do them for you because I love you just so god damned fucking much baby.

            We sing “I want you forever.”

            Especially when we’re not together.

            We’re getting tattoos and I’m literally putting scars on my body so I can take you wherever, whenever. Talk about “if you only knew the bad things I like; Don’t think that I can explain it; what can I say, it’s complicated.” You do know the bad things I like, and I know what bad things you get off.

            We are so Addictively obsessed with each other that it doesn’t matter what one of us says or does — all we can think about is what bad things we want to do to each other. I think it’s obvious what that means: we cannot control ourselves around each other. It feels so good to be with the other person — it’s impossible to explain.

            We’re not out of our heads and we’re not out of our minds. We’re just absolutely desperately addictively longingly obsessively totally in love with each other, and our vibe is so perfect together that I think other people wouldn’t get it. And that’s all right. Because “the way we love is so unique; and when we touch I’m shivering; And no one has to get it; Just you and me; Cause we’re just living.” You and me, Daddy. I want you forever. Promises. Because baby I’m never going to leave you. I got you.

The end.

An Ode to “Bad Things”

This is a story about what I imagined a couple who lived the life of the song “Bad Things” by Machine Gun Kelly would be like. This is part 1 and I’ve put a link below for your convenience if you want to listen to the song first.

Watch “Machine Gun Kelly, Camila Cabello – Bad Things (Official Music Video)” on YouTube. https://youtu.be/QpbQ4I3Eidg

It’s us.

            Most of this song basically summarizes our relationship so far. The good and the bad. The choices. The way I’ve made you feel. The way you’ve made me feel. The way we make each other feel — and especially as to that last one — how much closer the way you feel and the way I feel has started to change into the way we feel.

            Things have not always been smooth with us. That’s life. It’s messy and fucked up and there are a lot of things that can go badly. I was incredibly scared of you after your bike accident. I suppose sometimes that fear is still a little bit there.

            So, when MGK says “nothing’s that bad; if it feels good,” I usually think of that first incident. After that happened, I thought I knew exactly what you were and what you’d do and how you are — and I’ve realized maybe I don’t. And I don’t like putting people into boxes anyway. No one wants to be judged by the worst thing they’ve done. No one wants to be judged based on how they behaved on their worst day or even just a bad day. No one deserves that. None of us are just one thing or one way. No matter how much we want to, we cannot group people into tiny boxes that we create to try to control the chaos in our life. At least I don’t think we should. So, I realized if I wanted to practice what I believe about that, I have to look at you as a whole person — and not just the parts of you that have made me feel really uncomfortable in our relationship. I eventually realized that nothing was going to be that bad — if everything else is so good. It outweighs that bad and then some.

            Then I came back to you. My love. I couldn’t stay away from you. I was drawn to you like an Addict — and that is real talk. I still am. I don’t know how you knew I would come back — but back I came. I remember me trying and trying to convince myself to be with that other person and telling you that you and I were over and you needed to stop interfering because I was terrified it was going to fuck things up for me. It’s weird how anxious I got in hindsight, because the truth is that I had said and done all of the things with you that you were threatening to send screenshots to him about. Perhaps at that point I had convinced myself that you were toxic for me once again even though I am just as wild and toxic because I did those bad things with you.

            My feelings turned around about you again though when you didn’t actually send much of anything too incriminating. You could have, but it was like even though you could have blown up my relationship, you were protecting me or something. Or maybe you just wanted me to come to the decision to come back to you on my own. I don’t know why you didn’t do it. I just know you didn’t. And you let me make my mind up. And I just kept telling you it was over and I was never coming back — like the night was young in our relationship — because I was trying to convince myself that I was never going to go back to you and I just kept repeating that over and over and over again and you just kept answering me with “I think you are,” and you just wouldn’t give in — like at all. No leverage whatsoever.

            And you were always fucking right about me coming back every time. And I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for the ping pong. I don’t know what drew me to that idiot — but I wasn’t obsessed with him like I was about you. And I hope you won’t judge me based on my bad days. I think the lines “I can’t explain it; I love the pain,” apply to you here in this way. You suffered having to wait for me to come back to you but you knew I would. Something about me kept you around. Maybe something about you kept me around. And honestly, sincerely, and completely, it shocked the hell out of me that you did. I truly in my heart and my mind expected you to be happy we broke up and just move on — at least the first time. And when you didn’t immediately do that — I was shocked. For real. I had no idea what I was in store for next. Forgiveness.

            For me the “I can’t explain it; I love the pain,” lyric refers more to the times when you did fuck up. Because the thing about when you fuck up baby — is you fuck up hard. And it is very painful for me to endure. The other chicks made me sick to my stomach. The things you said you were going to do and have and even your hesitation to text those girls was killing me. When you blocked my number and I couldn’t reach you I was so desperate I called from a blocked number. I needed you. I can’t believe you’d sit and watch me worried on the other side of that screen and not pick up. That’s so cruel. I was so sick over all of those things. Then of course the day that you got drunk and called me at the bus station totally wasted was hell too, because I knew you wouldn’t be reliable for the rest of the day since I know what it is like to blackout — and selfishly — for me that meant that I wasn’t going to get Eric for the rest of the day. And I wanted him back so badly. I can’t say I love the pain, but I will say I can’t explain how I have gotten through the bad times.

            And you’re my drug. And I do breathe you in until I’m numb. You are intoxicating. I can’t wait for the next text or call or Google meet — I crave every word you send me and every sentence you write and everything you say and watching everything you do. You just amaze the fuck out of me babes. And I don’t know if it is exactly the same for you — but I have to assume it is something like it — because you keep texting and calling and Google meeting with me. You spend so much time with me. We are so fucking Addicted to each other, and I don’t fucking care. Because we numb each other from the pain we have from every single other fucking thing that sucks in our lives, and that craving is insatiable for both of us. We can’t get enough. We breathe together during all of these times, and it numbs us like novacaine. So we’re always high on each other. And it feels really normal.